Don’t Give Up … Ever!

Life Isn’t Always Easy

Just four months after marriage, Ryan and I began trying to have a baby. At 29 years old and with a history of endometriosis, we didn’t want to wait too long thinking that it might be difficult. We had no idea that our 5 year journey of fertility treatments, miscarriages, a failed private adoption and finally becoming parents would involve some of the most difficult, emotionally (and financially) challenging draining times so far in our lives. However, through all of that, it was the most rewarding journey we’ve ever been on and we are so much closer as a couple and so much more thankful for the blessings we have because of it.

We made our first visit to Dr. Ripps in his Pensacola office around September after spending a year trying to get pregnant on our own and with Clomid. We immediately felt comfortable with Dr. Ripps and his Pensacola staff and it was very evident that each one of them truly cared about us and that Dr. Ripps was top in his field. We had our first Intrauterine Insemination (IUI) and were thrilled when we found out, on Christmas Day, that I was in fact pregnant! Our first ultrasound went perfectly and everyone in the office was so genuinely excited for us. Unfortunately, when we went back for our second ultrasound our sweet baby no longer had a heartbeat. You could feel the air get sucked out of the room. Obviously it was devastating for us, but everyone in the office was also visibly upset. They were so sweet and caring and most importantly continued to encourage us.

A few months later we had another IUI performed and another positive!!! The odds of miscarrying again are slim, right? ( believe me, I looked up all of the statistics) All of my bloodwork looked good so once again we go in for an ultrasound. This time the baby had a heartbeat, but it was somewhat low. We thought that perhaps we were just a little bit early so we had another ultrasound a week or two later….NO HEARTBEAT! We were just absolutely crushed and so was the NewLIFE staff. I can’t swear to it, but I think Dr. Ripps may have shed a tear or two. It was just gut wrenching. How could this happen AGAIN? With the support of the NewLIFE Team we were able to pick ourselves up and try again….and again….and again….and again…etc.

Finally, after several miscarriages we were ready to move on to In Vitro Fertilization (IVF) thinking it would help us find the “right egg”. We were blessed that our insurance at the time covered a portion of this treatment, as it is costly. After extensive shopping, there was no doubt that the cost of IVF at NewLIFE is well below just about anywhere else. I just knew that this was going to work for us.

We had our first egg retrieval and everything was great. We had a very good number of eggs and a good percentage of those eggs fertilized, and many continued to grow well to “day 3”. Now we were getting excited! BUT not a single one of our embryos kept growing….not one!!! We were shocked, upset and extremely discouraged. Once again, the amazing NewLIFE Team offered us enough support and encouragement to keep trying. After a couple of additional unsuccessful IVF cycles, Ryan and I decided to begin pursuing adoption. The folks at NewLIFE supported our decision.

We matched with a birth mom within just a couple of months and couldn’t wait to share the news with our “family” at NewLIFE. They were thrilled for us and couldn’t wait to meet the little girl that we were planning for. Over the next 6 months we prepared for “our daughter” to be born. We had baby showers, bought a new house, decorated a nursery and did all of the same things that most expecting parents do. We got the call that our birth mom was in labor, so we packed our bags and went to the hospital. We waited all night for our little girl to be born. A nurse came out to speak with us and said that the birth mom had changed her mind and couldn’t give her child up. I couldn’t speak! I had so many emotions going through me at that moment, but mostly a combination of anger and overwhelming grief. To make matters much….much worse, my father lost his battle with cancer within a week or two of the failed adoption. We thought, “how much more can we take? Why is this happening to us?! Are we being punished for something?!” It was almost too much for us to take.

We took a break from everything to just decompress and to also come to terms with the fact that we may potentially never have a child or be parents. Thank the good Lord for my husband, who was always there for me to lean on. We were strong for each other. I knew that we would be ok even if it was just he and I for the rest of our lives. That was such a comforting feeling in the midst of all of the heartache. Then in January we got a call completely out of the blue from a friend of mine who lives a couple of hours away. She knew a couple who were the guardians to their daughter’s little boy that she abandoned at the hospital. They are an older couple and they knew that they could not keep him long term, but they wanted to make sure that he went to the right family. She told them about us and they proceeded to research us and ultimately decided that they would love for us to adopt him. He was about 3 ½ months old at the time and we were immediately interested, but cautiously interested given everything we’d been through.

About a week or two later we met the little boy who would ultimately become our first son. We knew the second we laid eyes on him that we loved him. Then by March of that year we were granted the status of “non-relative caregivers” for our little man by the State of Florida and he came to live with us in our house while we waited on the adoption to be finalized. After our long and extremely difficult journey we officially became parents to our sweet boy in July! Oh, and did I mention that on February 8, just a couple of weeks after we learned about the little boy we would ultimately adopt, I found out that I was PREGNANT! That’s right….total surprise! We still were very cautiously optimistic though because of all of our previous miscarriages, but we immediately called Dr. Ripps and Linda, the coordinator. Even though we didn’t technically conceive via fertility treatments they were the ones who had been on this journey with us for so long. They quickly got me in for bloodwork and an ultrasound. Everything looked great so we scheduled a follow up ultrasound which ALSO looked great! The staff at NewLIFE couldn’t have been happier for us. After all of our struggles we were parents to one little boy and then in October, I gave birth to our perfectly healthy second little boy!!! We have our family, now.

The bottom line is that life isn’t always easy. There are no certainties, but the promises we make to each other and try to keep. There are many different paths that can lead to the same destination. So never give up. NEVER! Always keep an open mind. Knowing there may be struggles and heartache, it’s ok to be angry and to grieve for as long as you may need. But ALWAYS pick yourself up and when the time is right and keep moving forward. We never truly know what the future holds and sometimes, just when things seem hopeless, something amazing and unexpected happens. I remember Dr. Ripps telling me the day that my husband and I decided it was “time to take a break” that he just knew (“had a feeling”) we would be parents and a family one day. With two little boys who are 1 year and 8 days apart, life is hectic, crazy and absolutely AMAZING. I know this is the work of our God, but I also know that God put Dr. Ripps and his staff in our lives to provide us with the encouragement and support that we needed to keep going. It is difficult to share enough details about the good things from this wonderful group of people. If you are considering seeing a doctor for any type of fertility issue please, please, please consider NewLIFE. They are more than just a medical staff. They are people who truly care about each one of their patients and they truly want to help people become parents one way or another.

-K & R